Why Your Wife Isn’t Enjoying Sex — Mystery Solved
July 5, 2020
Reasons Why Your Wife Probably Isn’t Enjoying Sex
Do you remember when you first got married? You and your wife had sex everywhere! You were sex-crazed! The kitchen, the bathroom, your in-laws’ houses (shush, nobody has to know), etc. You guys were crazy for each other! Those were the days, right?
Well, has anything changed? If you’re like a lot of men, the answer is probably YES.
Look, it’s normal that the passion fades a bit with time. Sure, it doesn’t burn as hot as it used to, but you and your wife still love each other fiercely. Except, you guys don’t really have sex as often (or at all). This is a common problem. Luckily, there are plenty of solutions to it.
However, before you jump to solutions, you need to know what exactly is causing the problem.
Sex Is Vital in a Marriage
So has your wife been withdrawn lately? Does she never initiate sex anymore? Has she been significantly less interested in sex?
If so, welcome to middle-age! Look, we’re not saying that all women lose interest in sex after they enter mature adulthood. Quite the contrary — mature women are more interested in sex because women peak sexually in their late 30s and early 40s. However, a lot of married women lose interest in sex after a while. Why?
Well, lots of reasons. Maybe she isn’t feeling sexy. Or perhaps she doesn’t feel the emotional and physical connection to you.
Even though sex is essential in any marriage, the desire for sex of both partners fluctuates. That’s perfectly normal. However, prolonged lack of sexual desire is problematic because:
- Sex increases and maintains intimacy between partners;
- Without physical intimacy, there’s no longevity;
- Sex nurtures both the physical and emotional connection between partners;
- Sex can release tension and is a great way to spend quality time together (only focused on each other);
- The physical connection is some people’s love language, and without it, they don’t feel loved.
Being in a sexless marriage isn’t the same as being single and not getting any. Lack of sex in a marriage has consequences that go beyond simple sexual frustration.
Some men think that women enjoying sex after their 20s is a myth (thank you so much, Hollywood), while others believe that a loss of interest in sex automatically means that their wife doesn’t want them anymore.
Neither is true. Although it’s perfectly normal to be worried about the lack of sexual desire on your wife’s part, it isn’t the end of the world (or your relationship). You just have to work together to figure out what’s causing it.
What Might Be the Cause of Your Wife’s Lack of Interest?
Men who notice their wives’ lack of interest in sex either become quite pushy or stop initiating sex out of fear of rejection. After all, there’s only so many times you can hear she has a headache without taking it personally, right?
Instead of going the standard route of insecurity and pushiness, let’s see what might be causing your wife to refuse to get the bedsheets a bit dirty.
Look, man, life is hard. No matter what you do in life, many things are probably causing you daily stress.
Add motherhood and potentially trying to juggle career and housework to that and what you’re left with is one exhausted, stressed lady. And that lady doesn’t want to have sex with you, man! She wants a bubble bath, a few hours to herself, maybe a nice spa day. She’d even go for everyone leaving her alone for 15 minutes.
But life doesn’t work like that for most women (especially working moms, right?). Stress is a huge issue for many people and the number one cause of depression and anxiety. And do you know what goes hand in hand with those two? Low sex drive.
Sex and stress simply aren’t compatible. Some people find sex a great outlet for stress, but most are just too tired (both physically and emotionally) to deal with anything other than chasing a bit of reprieve.
What Can I Do?
Give her a chance to rest. If she’s perpetually stressed because every day is a struggle, share the struggle with her.
Unfortunately, pain is also a frequent cause of a lack of interest in sex. Unlike stress, painful intercourse is usually a problem men don’t have to deal with. Therefore, it’s difficult for us to relate to it.
However, women, especially those in menopause, frequently experience pain during intercourse. Almost 75% of women report that they experienced pain during sex at some point in their lives. For many menopausal women, that pain is persistent.
Now, imagine if you felt discomfort and irritation every time you had sex. You wouldn’t be too keen on initiating it either, would you?
What Can I Do?
Go heavy on the foreplay and use plenty of lube. Most of the time, pain and discomfort are due to a lack of lubrication. If your lady is dry, she’ll feel as if you’re pushing sandpaper inside of her. No wonder she doesn’t want to have sex, right? Also, don’t be stingy with the amount of attention you show to her clit.
Sometimes, the factors that cause a lack of sexual desire are internal. Mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, etc., can cause your wife to lose interest in sex. That’s especially true if those issues stem from previous sexual experiences that were negative or traumatic.
What’s more, even medication that treats these disorders can cause you to have a less than stellar sex life, given that they are known libido killers.
Furthermore, self-esteem issues can also play a significant role here. If your wife went through huge changes and her body doesn’t look the way it used to (perhaps she became a mother or went into menopause), some body issues are bound to happen.
What Can I Do?
Show support and don’t pressure your wife into physical intimacy until she’s ready. Between whatever problem she’s dealing with and the medication she’ll probably have to take, she’s already feeling like a failure and perhaps even less of a woman. Show her that she isn’t and be patient.
If the problem is body issues, try to (naturally and in a casual manner) show your wife how sexy you think she is. Shower her with compliments!
Low libido is something that naturally happens with time, but it can also be a symptom of a sexual disorder or another illness (such as diabetes). There are many medical conditions as well as treatments and meds that have low libido as a side effect. As mentioned, antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds are the perfect examples.
Aside from that, lower levels of sex hormones (estrogen and testosterone) might cause a distinct lack of sexual desire. This happens to most women right before and during menopause (and even after it). It can also happen postpartum.
What Can I Do?
Ideally, you and your wife should see a sex therapist. Yes, you might feel awkward, but prolonged low libido can be caused by many problems and illnesses. Therefore, contacting a medical professional is highly recommended.
Difficulty Reaching Orgasm
Look, we all have sex because of the grand finale. Sure, the entire shebang feels amazing; there’s no doubt about it. However, it’s the Big O that we’re all chasing.
Only 46% of women report that they “frequently” experience orgasms during sex. That leaves 54% of them who experience them rarely (or never). Without the prize at the end of the road, sex loses quite a bit of its appeal, doesn’t it?
What Can I Do?
If your wife is in the aforementioned 56%, there’s a strong chance she lost interest in sex because it doesn’t do anything for her. So help her reach an orgasm, man! Give her something to look forward to. Talk about what she likes and dislikes and have an honest conversation about turn-ons. Then, get to work!
A Few Parting Words — When to See a Doctor?
Having your wife lose interest in sex isn’t uncommon. The most important thing is to remain calm and not panic (or jump to conclusions). If she’s having a difficult period, it will pass, and her sex drive will bounce back.
However, if the lack of sexual desire is a prolonged problem, then it’s best that your wife visits a medical professional. Lack of sex isn’t a huge issue, but low libido can be an indicator of much bigger medical problems. Better safe than sorry!